regina neo, do you see this? [: promised i'd upload the necklace for the whole world to see ay. [: love you. & the necklace, & i wonder how much you exactly spent on it. D: gawh, i feel like a rojak once again. with everything within me mixed up & feeling weird. i've made the choice & i don't seem to be hating it. in fact, i've been so happy. then again, everything done is a risk taken. say if i lied today, i risked getting caught. if i stole, i risked getting in jail. if i betrayed, i risked losing trust. so i'm risking. haven't been talking to God and i'm guilty. phone's in the room and i've become so lazy to walk in to take it out. tried watching stewie, but it did no shit. ended up screaming at five minutes to midnight. okay, drummers are so hot. [: apparently my dental appointments are being dragged which means i'm getting my braces later than expected. not cool. so many things i want to say. yet, they all sound meaningless the moment it's on my lips. whatever that's happening. i'm here to face it.

V: if you think you have a face of miss world 2008, you're so wrong. how would you know your face looks nicer than your spammer if you've only seen his words? try flaming him back and humiliating the lack of your limited knowledge? you failed inferential questions, that's for sure. for all you know, your spammer has a better face than you. aww, don't get discouraged. you know yourself you have a face of a cow the minute you decided to put a picture of yourself in a pair of shades that covered 80% of your face. duh, you cow face.

this laptop is fucking screwed. and i realised i've become more vulgar. fuck this shit la. nabey. i thought the connection would be so good la. what the hell. bloody piece of fuck. ok. i found this online. and i hope it'll calm me down. bloody connection of a motherfucker.


He had nails driven through His wrists for you, wore a crown of thorns for you, had spears penetrate His flesh for you, had skin torn from bone for you, and allowed His entire existance to be plagued with indescribable pain, on your behalf.

please. this took me my life. damn it. BOBO. [: ice skating today.




J♥M












































blogger is a mother fucking bitch. it took so much of my time. really reconsidering!

omg, i'm so super pissed off. on the brighter note, i need to like write out my schedule

• Monday - Day out with Jeremy
• Tuesday - Day out with Hakim, Pok & Yantin
• Wednesday - Ignatius's soccer thingy
• Thursday - Free
• Friday - Training & tuition
• Saturday - Church
• Sunday - Danceworks ( bringing regina. )

ok. that's my holiday. i'll be so sleep deprived!!!

BLOGGER CAN GO FUCK A WORM.

i really hope this whole thing has come to an end. i guess i really cannot live without you girls. the reason for me to feel fortunate and blessed. that you're all as though angels God sent to bring me joy and guide to to a life journey. [: this is one reason for my fasting. unfortunately, i cannot beach tomorrow because i'm bleeding. D: ( i want a tan! ) ok, since we'd be meeting so early, i've decided to come home to bathe so i can meet ( name ) and go to church! [: yes! finally, church! & this tummy ache is driving me to the toilet. i don't want misunderstanding, but i'm no slut who stole ( name ). sorry you misunderstood & made rumors. still, i find no wrong in going out with him. [: okay, off to shit! [: omg, i feel very very bimbotic tonight. like heee heeee heee. oh my gawd! what's YOUR problem?! heeeee!

Jeremy's being a bitch for stating conditions to me D: ugh. still pissed that i broke fast. napped for 1 hour, going to vivo to meet that pratty reg soon. D: vivo. so far. tuition later, kill my balls.

i broke fast. i'm feeling guilty. joy said it was okay because God sees it, but i've been trying so hard for the past 32 hours, why did i have to be so weak and then feel all faint and got sent home? i really wished i could turn back time and just went straight to class and die there than to let mrs wong force the truth out. i mean, there jeremy is, trying his best to not get tempted by food/ even drink and cigs. yet, i was the first one to break fast, fuck. see, i woke up after sleeping at 8 last night, i became very very weak. i couldnt hold my toothbrush properly yet, i had to go to school because mom didn't know i haven't eaten for 32 hours. then, good game, i couldn't life mt hands in school. D: & mrs wong suspected already. then when i couldn't take it any longer, she seek the truth & i told her. fuck, she gave me 4 biscuits. of course, i don't blame her. in fact, i thank her. without the biscuits. i guess i should be in a more serious state. but that meant - i broke fast. i broke a promise. i'm no longer strong. even if sorries were to fill this post up, there's a guilt inside me, that i know, will never be forgiven. so, i'm going to fast again. next week. meeting regina at vivo. wonder if i can. hmh, mtv's playing good music. jeremy, quick wake up, sleepyhead!
if you just realise.

sports heats 2 was canceled due to the rain but it didn't stop us from sneaking back into the stadium after the teachers left. :D hardcore yeh. [: we ran in the rain and i'm wishing to get sick because i'm sick of receiving my results. what the bloody shit, all border liners. make me emo only. assholes. get sick.. get sick.. get sick.. ( continues chanting... ) : D omg, i want to get a tattoo. hahahaha, but i'd get killed or something if i get discovered. i know it's against religion, ugh, dilemma! and chih kai told me to get an inversed tattoo. okay, i think it sounds interesting! odelia promised ( i hope ) to bring me if i really want, yay! [: * flying hugs & kisses * feeling bimbotic now so please, pardon me. daddy's back from thailand! he bought so many stuff. omg, he's going to get me boxers. yay! :D hahahahahaha, missed him ay. hmh, i miss God. i want to feel Him again, even if i'm going to cry till my eye balls pop out, i don't care, i want God! i want church! & i miss maetan. D: stupid girl. havent seen my piercing! D: yeh, sad. after braces, i'm getting my tongue pierced. thing is, i don't want people to misunderstand that i'm an ah lian. i know i express the worst first impressions to parents, but whatever it is, please accept me for who i am. & if you think i'm changing too drastically, i'm speechless. braces, braces, quick be in my mouth! neh hahahaha. okay, my eye lids are like a zillion kg! D:

me: green tea kills sperms.
J: don't have to worry, i have a lot; a whole army to kill. unbeatable.
enlighten me, please!


fly away. i don't know how to make you stay because you don't belong to me, BOBO. it's a cute name i gave you because i just think it can be used for a multi- purpose cause. D: jeremy's not talking to me just because i don't wanna say who ( name ) is. D: D: and it's driving me insane! (@*#($E&#$*&^(@%& jeremy, TALK TO ME! D: i'm getting all emo-ish.

heh, this NCC uniform shitz over the volleyball jersey! today's damn cold & now as i sit alone at home, brrr, still cold. hm, i pretty much couldn't concentrate today in class because there are so many things going on at the moment and i have to set aside time to think! right now, i just think it's rather rude that you forgot my mom prepared breakfast or rather, a meal for you. but it's okay, i decided never to do it again. since some people simply don't appreciate it & make empty- promises when after lunch, i see the whole container still filled. whatever, really. to think mom still said: i hope you girls will go back together after this birthday. thanks so much for letting her down.
also, i've been thinking a lot of (name) & i don't know what's going on in my head! ]: help!




Happy day today!
it's good to have you around, i have funny thoughts twirling my mind!

here it is. it's sixty bucks, what an expensive stomach i have. :D apologies if i didn't tell some people dear to me, example, regina neo. :P cus i wanted you to see for youself! :D anyway, something's gone wrong with the new hotness and i know what's wrong. stubbornness. jealousy. unreasonable actions. i don't want people to know what's going on and what we're doing because i want to settle this among ourselves. but explain and define, what you mean by shouting at your good friend in public, rolling your eyes when she's trying so hard to communicate. of course, this is being bias. but i really don't understand you when you're all stubborn and think the whole world opposes you. sometimes, your thinkings are not always right. for the record, think, how much time can all of us fork out when some have to go home straight after school? why do you always think at a victim's perspective? behind every murder, there's a story.

awake after fourteen hours of sleep. i've realised, how much 14 has been revolving around me ever since i turned 14. same as 13, i got into volleyball and chose 13. it all just happens like that, i guess. all right, i'm getting my navel piercing today. ( can't wait ) and hiro's coming to cell. :D yay! what else, having mood swings recently. i don't know why. and indecisive emotions. just feel like crumbling down and dying because i'm giving up on waiting. i'm sorry. i don't want to be further involved. i've been finding someone to turn to for this problem, only found one. [:
Hate is a passionate emotion, murder, the ultimate crime of passion.

do you see what i see? oh yes, yamate. : D don't misunderstand, the pictures i took today is still not with me yet & i have to add ammar online to get them. baby isn't online, can't get it from her. ( frowns ) i'm finishing eclipse and i'm sad, how can bella fall for two guys at a time? she's so selfish! i would choose edward though. really, he would rather live in pain for centuries. my gosh, can edward be my boyfriend? i've realised, a lot of people are starting on twilight. HAHAHA, i still thought i was one of the latest discoverers. (laughs) hmh, went to ikea to play hide and seek and ammar turned horny after buying honey dew sago. LOL. he's so adorable, really. we're going to ikea/ giant/ courts to play hide and seek on saturday! [ CHEERS ]
(a): i'm drinking horny, so i' turning horny. watch out girls, i'm coming!
after an interval.
ammar starts smacking his dick and groans: ' c'mon! steam! steam! stream! '
HAHAHAHAHA. oh, that's it. navel piercing, 58$ at xcraft.

when everything was all set and done, i can't believe you were the one, who build me up and tear me down, like an old abandon house. it's my birthday today, don't sing me a song because i don't deserve one. today turned out what i expected to be. phone confiscated; bad attitude; mood swings; false pretense and a mixture of everything at once leads to an emotion breakdown. of course, i didn't wish to express it out to teacher * because i think he/she/them/they don't deserve to see me in this state even if he/she/them/they was the cause. i would have had bought a tear drying machine if i could the minute you stepped into the class okay. don't get excited that you think you won this conflict and that i cried because i was beaten. hell no! never would i allow that to happen. i guess the way you threaten your pupils are way out of your profession and that you are not a good teacher. think back to last year; your quote to anonymous ' i don't have such a pupil, you are not my pupil anymore.' would you, in the perfect state of mind say such things in front of your authority? think again. quit asking me to reflect on how i behaved, instead. reflect on your words he/she/them/they. you ruined my mood for celebrations all right. take back 'it's your birthday today, i really didn't want to ruin your day. ' take that sentence back! what rights do you in the first place have when you want me to lengthen my skirt, read the journal, it says 4 fingers from the knee cap. in case you don't know, mine is only 2.5 fingers FROM the knee cap. fuck that. and don't come commanding me how i should behave around you. i may be your student. but you have bad students too right. don't issue me a threat as and when you like it. if you have no control of any rebels, shut up. yet again, i'd like to credit everyone who attempted to cheer me up. ammar, amzar, reyro, willy, ashiq, wei kang, luke, leon, yan hao, mario;)(root beer), amir, yanitng, zhiting, ayuni, jerlyn, sheri & my lovable bimbo, chuwen, gloria, rishon, yujing, and those whose names not mentioned, i'm sorry, i'm not in a state of mind to think now. still, thanks for the presents, helium balloons, cards, pictures, chocolates, & hugs and kisses. ♥ you guys wholeheartedly. & thanks really, for making my other half day a better and probably the most unforgettable one because the birthday girl cried so pathetically! ♥♥♥

my birthday's coming. greaaat; ct's coming too. double happiness. yet no one knows why i'm 'over -reacting' & stuff. probably because you're not the one experiencing it and stuff and you don't understand how it feels when you look so forward to your birthday whereby you're supposed to be celebrating with your friends at a place & laughing your birthday away. also, you're looking so forward to the exams because it'll test your intelligence and whether you'd be confident you'll heed your goal. nevermind, i don't want to have presents anymore. tuesday is just a day everyone prays to get over and done with because they want to play. that's all. i'm all confused, how i wished you only set eyes on me.

church was good; that jeremy and i went 20 minutes late because
1; he took a cab but was still late and that i had to wait for him like an idiot.
2; he went to the water cooler to drink water.
yes, so we were late, thanks to JEREMY TEO. :D ( pushes blame away since he's been blaming me for not helping him every now and then. )
today's service dragged till 8+ but mae, me, ignatius, chih kai, jon, weiliang and jenny ( jeremy) came out at 645. had dinner at the emo corner and went to cell room. since mae brought her camera, we cam- whored. yet, the pictures are not with me since she's not home. :D HAHAHAHA, we took retarded pictures that made our day. had cell gathering at the grass patch and we played so many games. :D i love HaiSing Cell! :D :D ♥


[pictures for last night. ]



& today.



& a wrap that cranks me up.
God, I want to hear You like last week!


L change the world. i recommend you people to go watch. :D it's very nice, almost wonderful, although i'm a LIGHT person, L's cute too. & he's very cool. mysteriously smartly cool. :D shan't really go into details so i won't spoil the fun. just wanted to say, since L and Light died, even if the sequel were to come out. reg thinks no one would watch. obviously, including she herself. D: hah, well, i guess it depends on each individual and their style of entertainment. ( laughs ) hmh, leon and ammar sent me to the station last night. and i managed, somehow to kill two hours of dear life. we walked from central to the station. HOW COOL. i realized, this bunch of people really can cheer me up. and i trust them with all my problems. :D love you! [: there is church later & luke is coming. HAHAHA. yay, i really pray i can feel His presence once again. Leon ' very shoick* ' (* smoothing, comfortable feeling) oh well, we'll see. :D and regina neo is ruining my plans because she has her own plans in the early afternoon and i'd have to leave with her. so i decided to meet huiying for lunch. :D nothing much else, oh gees, i'm so sorry i changed my plans yesterday. i guess it was all just meant to be. sorry.

[edit]
GIRLS, do this survey! :D BOYS, you gotta read it!

Do you prefer decent or wild guys?
both.

Are fat guys a total ewww?
not exactly, those who pick their noses, are though.

What was the biggest lie a guy eversaid to you?
i love you.

What was the sweetest thing a guy ever said to you?
hmh, nothing as sweet as what Edward would say to Bella.

Do you think guys is worth your tears?
It depends, really.

One word to describe guys?
Hardcore.

Do you like guys who smokes?
frankly, no. but i'd be all right if he's not my boy.

Do you prefer romantic or sweet guys?
they should be inter- dependent! :D

Do you prefer a popular dude or just an ordinary boy next door?
-sighs-

Do you keep the presents that your ex'sgave you?
yes.

What was the sweetest thing you ever did for a guy?
don't recall, and i don't know how sweet is sweet.

Have you ever sacrifice for a guy?
no!

Do you hate your ex boyfriend?
not at all.

What attracts you to a guy?
fashion sense, accent, character, personality, eyes ( omg, aussies ), hair and body language.

Which turns you on? Cute guys or hot guys?
both! :D :D

The most painful thing a guy ever did to you?
7 was the most painful boyfriend i've ever had. but it's all right.
[/edit]

[ i want a limegreen race car, if you may, please. ]

I'm not prepared to love my enemies yet. But I honestly had the urge to ask Joanne if she was going to church on Saturday because I want to overcome this { adjective } yeh. Today's been draggy. Seems like Gng is on a hair- cut spree. Ok, he's so cool. Hahahahaha and I miraculously finished my ipw assignments. ( cheers ) Going out with Regina Neo(pets) tomorrow and I cannot wait! [: We're going to watch L change the world. Oh you earthling, be jealous I'm going out with a hottie. :D - snorts OUT loud - Okay; There's this dumb home economics test tomorrow and guess what. Aku studied siol! [: Hahahahaha, so proud of myself. Not being a douche here, I think. But, it's an accomplishment! The biology test today can suck shit but I trust Lord, although I realised my common mistake, think it's still passable. Now, I need to set aside time to cram my work. I have to ACE. Work hard! Work hard! & praise the Lord! I missed you today. Yet, some stuff flashed through my mind and once again, I'm confused. ♥


[edit]
When you catch a girl
glancing at you,
she wants you to look

When a
girl
says
she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you
are her future

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you
more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a
break-up
she wants you back, but shes
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever


Guy
Facts:When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine." after
a
few
minutes
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him
and
wonders if you do

When your laying your head on a
guy's
chest,
he has the world

When a guy calls/texts/comments you
everyday,
he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he
loves
you, he
means it

When a guy says he can't live
without
you,
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could
have
ever missed him or anything else


although i pretty much want you back. [/edit]


i'm getting really freaked out, i dreamt of you on saturday. and it's as though i'm still in that dream. whatever the contents, i constantly think i'm still dreaming because it's like something that'd never come true. sometimes, when i think, i shudder at the thought. but somehow, you have this attraction. unexplainable. yet, i don't know you. why do i get jealous of her when i know your heart belongs that, at least, try to find out. how do i know if i like you? i don't know you well to judge.


i have to have a motivation to study. i hope you know; how much it hurts to face you whenever you ignore my presence.
I'll wait till we were close enough to the ground and get a good grip on you, kick out the wall and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of accident and we'd stumble around like two luckiest survivors in history.


oh hie, i'm mister mario-gay. i think i'm gay and my parents are begging me to have braces. i swear i'm so scared of the pain, they like drill holes in your teeth and destroy them, so horrible! * haiyoh! * i'm a very horny person, you know. i have porn in my phone. i even go on limewire, type 'porn' and tadang! my menu! [: oh, i'm gay too, because i act like one. and gay pornography rocks. les pornography turns me off completely, sigh. i'm such a jerk because i made Hazel Lee Pei Shi fall today and got herself injured. i swear i'd treat her like a princess for compensation! [:

oh yes, of course mario! [: you should! LOVE YOU! :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When she walks away from you
mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ hug her tight ]

When she starts cursing at you
[ say i love you ]

When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still
looks amazing ]

When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]

When you see her walking
[ approach her..give a kiss on the
cheek. ]

When she's scared
[assure her you're not goin to leave
her ]

When she lays her head on your
shoulder
[ tilt your head too..and hold her
hand ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is
okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could
understand ]

When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her
fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her
laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

WHEN YOU BREAK HER HEART
[ THE PAIN NEVER REALLY GOES AWAY ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't
let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe
it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you:

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday
to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's
sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or
her favorite show even if you think its
stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

& that's what my boyfriend should do.


i cried in church today. i felt God, i seriously did. i prayed for weeks for His presence and i felt it tonight. praise the lord! there was an unusual shock of heat that overpowered my body in the room and then i cried between renee and samantha. ]: we were worshiping as a cell and almost everyone were emotionally unstable. including me, cried the longest. D: whoever i hugged had stains of tears left on their shirts. i want to thank Joy, Vera, Crystalb. , Mae, Joelle, Ryan, Chih Kai, Jon C, Sydney, Renee, Clarissa, Samantha. they hugged me. :D thanks people. haising cell rocks! [: and we'll make HISTORY!:D joint forces!

demus and samuel came today and i concluded that samuel is retarded. he thinks that he has a holier bible because he's bible is the same as mine, just that it is maroon in colour. next, he took my bible and said 'two bibles, two chapters, i'm holy! hallelujah!' tell me, how weird.

The day of evil will come and we have to be ready for it. When we wrestle, we will win. Don't freeze, but move in God's calling. Step out when God calls. God binds himself to the living, He knows every one of us, inside- out. There is no need for pretense. Praise the Lord Jesus! [:


i'm so tired i just want to lay in the arms of an angel and fall into the deepest sleep of my life. the truth is out and; i know i still like you a lot. i want to run away from reality. i don't know how to face all these alone, i really don't. i have to hurt people to get my stand right. and i have a confession to make to you. whether i have the courage or not, i'll know later. these things flash in my mind vividly and i cannot concentrate, cannot put my full attention in and it broods me. okay, i cannot calm down and think because that's not the system. i know my answer and i don't want to be so selfish, God, give me the courage manszxxzzxz. help!


happy valentine's day, everyone. i'm a liar; i don't know what's going on with my best friend and i; and i don't like the feeling. huiying had her phone confiscated, yantin called me, to speak to her, no problem with that, sure. telling her about her date and then hanging up. see, she didn't bother to tell me at all. does it hint that i'm not regarded so highly anymore? i was so eager to find out what happened. i don't know. why do i always run to yamate, because no one talks to me in class, you don't bother asking me anything, you just don't care. i bet you don't know i cried too. do you know how much i wanted to hug you that point of time? because only you would understand what's going on in my mind. yantin, i cannot lose you. but what's wrong with us? can't we talk and relate like how we used to? every time i try to talk to you, we always end up, almost quarreling. is that what you really want? tell me, who is your best friend now?

i waited in the canteen for more than three hours. nothing to be proud of because i was presented with HAZELNUT CHOCOLATES. only you know what this means. it's the loneliest valentine ever. i asked God to guide me, i couldn't see Him. nor could i hear Him. i cried because i was sad, i was like a lost kid, losing her way in a crowd and no one will life their hands to pull me up. no one knows the real reason for my tears although i promised i would never wanna cry anymore, no one except God. yet, He didn't answer. i didn't react early this time, joel. He really didn't help me.

yamate: thanks girls. the tissue paper you passed from the cubicle's opening, playing that emo song that made me cry, and calling me princess hazel when i doubt you even meant it. [: thanks babes. you know what i mean. no sweet talks in this post, not the right emotion. i'm a liar. but know that i'm sincere about this paragraph.


coco. i miss you.


[: shucks to be you. i get to hang out with cool people. :D no, i shan't let you know them, because i don't want you to have the same things that i have, they're mine! why should i share? this is just a usual quote from a person so senseless and brainless and most disheartening- selfish. please, do take note that you're living in a world with millions and billions and trillions of people, with millions of babies born each day and people dying at the same time, the world population might be increasing, so you're not the only one living. so fuck you in the head; so what if a stranger comes up to you and asks where you got your accessory from? does that mean that he wants to get, exactly the same thing as you? oh man, you're one with too high esteem, what makes your pea brain think that he wants to copy you, you may never know, your fashion might be the extreme-no-way-to-exist-in-town style and he probably wants to mock at your stupidity and high self- esteem. don't look it in a way that he is in awe of you and wants to be you. don't be unique, there are exactly seven goddamn people in this world who looks exactly like you, may i remind you, exactly like you. fuck you in the face man. i don't want to mention names. and stop calling people animal names, your face resembles one the most.

happy things: came home early to prepare my valentines' gifts. :D oh yay, i decided to use the trick- or - treat style. :D i'm so special/ unique/ one of a kind. please do sense the sarcasm in me. thank you. so i think i've found sean's present and i'll get it tomorrow. :D by hook or by crook, he bloody has to accept it, even if i have to shove it up to his [ un-garmented ] pants/ shorts. :D valentine's day, almost everyone has got dated out. all except me. i'm sorry abel, i cannot accept you because i seriously regard you as my best guy friend since three years back. you left me restless after the dedication i heard. so moved by tears was i when it's the first time anyone did something so national- wide and yet, i cannot cherish. it's good to know that you're growing up and developing feelings is normal. ( i sound like an adult) but i'll still love you my friend. :D the way i always do.



happy chinese new year people. (: hahahahaha, hmh, these two days are [happy adjective]. :D so i'm so kind to even post today. omg, so honored right, right, right. :D i know, i've been eating so much, i might have to throw myself into the diet chamber again. D: no fun, i saw something i didn't want to see last night, so fuck that. seriously. reg was over last night and we suppered at dte. :D obviously we had fun, duh, when i'm around. ok, don't really know what to post. i'm being such a douche today.

and i really hope you feel so too. sigh, it's stupid that i cry for some douche. yeh, so why am i feeling this way, i promise, that last night was the final, i've had enough of it, all right. why am i even shedding princess tears for you? jealous that you get people/ attention i never have, why should i. i've lost in the game, but i haven't lost my friends. and i'll stick to that moto. seriously, the tears poured out last night when i thought of you, that you actually bitched about me, lol, what do you want, come talk to me face to face and if you really are so desperate for it, i'll give it to you. anything, anyone but ignatius. all right. he doesn't belong to me (duh.) but so what. he may want you, he may need you and i cannot do nothing about it, all right? whatever your choice is, i'll really try to accept it and live with it if the answer is not what i have in mind. something i may never be prepared for, perhaps. i really don't know what's in stored for me and i really pray that i have the courage to face whatever that's in store for me, even facing you. never will i ever let your presence affect my mood to worship and be close to God. hard, yes, may i even face it alone, i'll deal with it. kenalians? the new hotness? vbers? 2e3-ers? how many more? i want to have strength to carry on and be happy and carefree. i can be strong, regina neo. (: i need you for that. :D i want to be happy. that's all i ever wish. honest.
lonely valentines'.
hazel, meet hazel :D
HAZEL AND AMZAR and HAZEL ( hamster ) AND AMZAR (hamster)
birthday gifts.
baby baby baby
:D:D:D:D SUP SUP.
yadeeeedah.
DARLING! :D
jolok? :D
yes, SUCKER. this is the nicest pic you ever took with me.
hi lovely. (:

" Your hold is permanent and unbreakable", he whispered. " Never doubt that. "

January 31, 2008

20:44

i know i'm not a good volleyball player. i know that, but that doesn't mean i'm insignificant, sigh. how can i let you know your words hurt me? i lost a number of balls today, i made a mistake for the first time, i know, and i'm sorry. so what if i sincerely apologised? it doesn't help. you have to know, you're changing. okay, don't get upset, but i think you're becoming like me, hot- headed. hmm, i want to change that in me, change with me. all right? i hope you know yourself better, that you're changing. face it now. (: you're changing, you stick to your opinions, not exactly open to others. okay? and i know i'm not good either, whatever it is, i cannot change the fact i'm only a reserve player, i could have made it into the mains if i didn't skip trainings so often and trained harder, be persistent and steadfast. i regret my actions and am living with the consequence. too late to even change anything, and i even cried due to anger. what can i do? whenever i think about the reason for the tears, i see those images of ball falling right in front of me on court and it just pumps more tears. not only, i couldn't block out your voice, screaming at the sec ones, i so longed for you to realise i'm alone and i need comfort. i guess you never really knew what happened. i know you made the effort to climb one flight of stairs to show your concern, by right, you would know i cried. here, i wanna tell you i didn't mean to give you a cold shoulder. and i'm scared. to get hurt, once again because i never once healed from it. why am i typing all these, i'll tell you, it's how i really feel. this is my blog, my online journal, my rant, don't try stopping me. and i don't mind people flaming me, only proves that i gained attention. hahahaha, whatever. back to the point. i wished you were here for me. like now. sigh.

.Ayuniyanti
. Chuwen
. Hongkai
. HuiYing
. Jasmine
. Jasper
. Jerlyn
. Mae
. Melissa
. Odelia
. Regina
. Renee
. Rishon
. Samantha
. Sheri
. Vera
. Vernette
. WeiYang
. YanTin
. Yangwenn
. ZhiTing

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